Dear Journal,

Sometimes, when I'm thinking, a sentence pops into my head. And it's always the perfect sentence to start off a blog entry. This is what used to happen when I got a story idea. An idea would form, and then the perfect first sentence would pop into my mind, and I would scurry off to the computer to write it all down.

Instead of writing stories like I used to, I've been writing blogs. I've found that it's so much easier to write about my life, instead of trying to tell about someone elses. The only problem is, on my MySpace blog I have to filter everything that I say, because a couple of my friends read it. Most of the time my thoughts are about my friends, so it's pretty hard to ramble on and on about my friends when I know they're going to read it. And it's also pretty hard to talk about personal-type stuff, because there's always the risk that they will think I'm weird.

I only have two friends who read my MySpace blog. Their names are Sam and Ashley. Normally I wouldn't care what anybody who reads my blog thinks, but this is different. Sam and Ashley are two people whose opinions matter above all others in my mind.

One of my greatest fears is rejection. And if I ramble on about something stupid, they'll be sure to let me know. And then I'll feel rejected.

You're probably thinking, "What kind of friend would treat her that way?" Well, to be honest, it's not something they're aware that they're doing. Just, sometimes when they say little things, I overanalyze it until I pick out the worst scenario, and that's what I obsess over.

So, I've found it easier to just stick with writing my blogs about trivial things, like cheerleading and funny things that happen that day. I still write deep, meaningful blogs, just not that often.

Now, all the above paragraphs are in reference to my MySpace blog. As of this moment, I plan on making this livejournal much more open and meaningful than my MySpace. And I hope that maybe someday I'll have people reading this who can relate to some of the things I'm feeling, and who can give me advice.

always&forever,
-Chelsie- ♥